Targeted During Transitions

As fall approaches, the temperature drops, daylight is shortened, and kids return to school, it’s helpful to remember how changes in life can socially influence us and others.

Relational aggression seems to heighten during transitional periods, especially at the adolescent level, as kids advance in grade levels and go back to school. A lot can happen during the summer break. It can be a convenient time to alter or dissolve friendships for many reasons—Maybe a girl doesn’t know how or is scared to end a relationship and uses the break to ignore a friend. Because girls don’t have to see each other every day, it’s easier to avoid communication. One girl might get dumped from her group while another is brought on board to replace her. Maybe she crossed unknown territory by dating an “off-limits” guy who she met at the mall. Maybe her friends became envious after she went on vacation and posted all of her pictures on Facebook. Maybe the group felt as if she didn’t spend enough time with them. Maybe she was viewed as too strong or just plain annoying. There are too many summer scenarios to name that can cause girls to be targets of social aggression in the new school year.

Even adults can see and feel this when they switch churches or jobs, get a promotion, move to a different community, or return from a vacation. Anytime transitions like these occur, social networks can shift and therefore power dynamics can be altered, allowing opportunity for RA.

Preparing to be targeted after a transition, by simply recognizing that it might occur, can help you avoid the stress and headache of trying to figure out questions like, “What did I do to her/them!?” and “Why am I being excluded or looked down upon?” Know that you don’t have to get down on yourself for not fitting in or for being harassed, and know that the treatment you’re receiving has less to do with you, personally, and more to do with other people adapting to change within their social spheres.

Have faith that people will eventually come around if they are given the time to adjust, even if it seems to come at your own emotional expense. However, if the RA escalates, don’t disregard it as insignificant drama. Take a stand by being direct and documenting and communicating incidences to school administrators, teachers, parents, and/or authorities (and adults to supervisors and your Human Resources department).