Before I start writing more narrowly focused entries, I want to define "girl bullying" for those who might not be familiar with the topic. Girl bullying, also known as "relational aggression" (RA), is a form of indirect, psychological and emotional bullying. It occurs when a group of girls use social relationships to target another girl with hurtful actions such as the following:
- Gossip
- Rumor-spreading
- Backstabbing
- Betrayal
- Exclusion / Isolation
- Silent Treatments
- Name-calling
- Dirty looks (ex. glares and eye-rolls)
- Destructive competition (ex. one-uping)
- Taunts
- Mean laughs
- Inside jokes
- Manipulation
- Lies / Half-truths
- Sending hurtful or embarassing text, picture or video messaging (ex. sexting)
- 3-way calling
- Hurtful status, blog or message postings (ex. on sites like MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc.)
- Blackmail
- Sabotage
These types of actions are intended to eliminate the target as some type of problem, threat, competition, frustration, annoyance, etc., and in the process, damage the target's social relationships and reputuation.
These crafty behaviors can easily to undetected by those who are not hip to social structures. And the validity of RA can easily be ignored by those who are in complete denial or who are unwilling to educate themselves about RA or check their own baggage.
Some people think RA is specific only to middle and junior high school aged girls. Yet, this behavior can begin as soon as girls start forming relationships, and it can continue well into adulthood. It not only takes place at school but anywhere relationships can occur--sports teams, sporting events, churches, youth groups, work, among family members, in dating relationships, clubs, Girl Scouts, the mall, parties, etc. From girls to women and boys to men, we can all encounter RA at many different places and on many different levels--as victims, aggressors, reactive aggressors and/or bystanders.
However, RA is most often associated with females because our society teaches girls to perpetually fulfill the ideas of feminity. Rather than instructing girls on how to be respectfully direct with each other when relational complications arise, our society urges girls to be nice, proper and compassionate, all-the-while hiding and bury their anger, hurt, competitiveness, envy, annoyance, etc. As a result, girls use their friendships and relationships to vent emotion, which can easily start a relationally aggressive chain reaction.
For more information on the complexity of this issue, please refer to the source notes in the back of my book, Flying Grounded.
Hey Tami :)
ReplyDeleteI've experienced all of the above and I daresay that many other people have. It's wrong that relational aggression is often dismissed as "girls being girls" and we are told to just simply ignore it. It's hard when you are on the receiving end and unlike physical scars people can't see the mental scarring and because it's not visible they assume it can't be that bad. RA changes you and impacts the rest of your life whether it be that you become an aggressor or you are so deeply affected that you lose confidence in yourself and other people. I love your work and how you aren't afraid to talk about this issue and it needs addressing as I believe RA is the worst form of bullying as it causes the most damage - simply because no action it taken to stop it because people are not educated enough on the subject. I'm going to post a blog about your page because I think this really needs promoting as more people need to read about this.
Thank you so much HGL ;) I so appreciate all of the support you give me and the cause! You are such a strong, determined person, and I love you for it =) Amen, sister, amen!
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